Motherly Reflections

Kim here- I think both Mike and I have failed when it comes to updating this blog on a regular basis.  Sorry about that, I feel like most days, I'm lucky if I remember to brush my teeth, I feel like I rarely have time to myself.  Logan is a very needy baby.  It is hard to say if that is just his personality or the whole traumatic birth thing, I hope and pray he doesn't remember his birth, though Mike and I know at least 1 person as an adult who does remember their birth.

He is stubborn and hates to sleep without me, or be where he can't see me, or that I talk on the phone or do anything that doesn't involve him.  Now that he is finally 3 months old and that "fourth trimester" is over, it is time to start breaking him of bad habits.  If nothing else....I realize I'm being selfish and I need a few moments throughout the day to myself.  To regain sanity...and patience and endurance with dealing with Logan...which should make me a better mother, even if I'm being selfish for wanting a few moments to myself.   Ironically, while pregnant I was insanely worried that Logan would not like me.  Turns out, he likes me too much.

Today is day 4 of trying to get him to sleep by himself in his crib during nap time.  It took about the same amount of time yesterday and today to get him to fall asleep- 40 minutes or so.  He will only sleep for about an hour by himself before he wakes up and wants attention...or food.  I am relishing this moment of alone time...though I probably should be napping myself since I only got 1 hr of sleep last night.  In trying to break him of sleeping with me, last night was a fitful night of him refusing to sleep with or without me.  Hopefully not many more days like this lay ahead of me and perhaps he will realize sleeping with sock monkey, cuddle blanket and a pacifier is way more fun then sleeping with Mom- which just tends to make him sweaty and gross.

1-1-13  Logan sleeping on Mike

As I have hours and hours of free time during the night where I sit and nurse him, I've been trying to be productive with my time, reflecting and praying.   It occurs to me that Logan is in a phase right now of unconditional love.  I may get mad at him, refuse to listen to him or put him in time out (which is really a time out for ME) and it doesn't matter what the offense and soon as I pick him up all is forgiven, there is no grudge held against me.  I know it won't always be the case, I'm trying to appreciate his open forgiveness.  Likewise, how much so, do I take for granted God's unending forgiveness and love?  When I mistreat Him, put Him in time out, ignore Him...OF COURSE He is willing and waiting for me to pick Him up again and spend time together.  I'm grateful God doesn't hold grudges for my misbehavior.