For Lent, Mike and I gave up Netflix and Facebook. I did journaling of random notes about what I
was grateful for or what good things happened that day. Even though Lent is
long past now, I am still continuing the journaling. I do it at the end of the day, a way to try
and not go to bed on a sour note feeling like everything went wrong that
day.
Last time I did Lent and the journaling, God showed up for
me. It was a desperate time in my
life. I needed God to show up for me in
a big way. He did-it was during that
time period I met Mike—and my life was drastically different ever since.
This year during Lent and through to now, several major
things have happened where I really feel like God has showed up for us.
First, we went to a spiritual revival of sorts weekend in
early March. It was several sessions
over several days. God really spoke to
both Mike and I. Some of the stuff was
conviction about sin in our lives, some really good things- like opening up my
heart and giving me overwhelming love for Logan when he needs me in the middle
of the night (which previously my heart was kind of filled with anger and
resentment during our nightly time together while he was screaming). Also during that weekend, it was the first
weekend where I was filled with the Holy Spirit to a point where I fell on the
floor, it was a little strange but good at the same time. It was not this sensational experience I was
just waiting-in line to be prayed for but also waiting for what God had for me
and when I was prayed for I was filled with this overwhelming peace- it was
amazing. Especially because I have
really been struggling with anxiety-to a point where taking some natural
remedies for anxiety is a crutch to sleep or relax in any amount. Peace from God is pretty amazing. Also when I fell down, I had a vision of our
family. There were 5 of us (Mike, Me and
three kids), on a porch of our house.
It was a two story house, which those great beautiful pillars which held
the deck separated from the top floor, with a garage. Also I was impressed upon that this house not
only was ours but was ours without debt- we were debt free from student loans
and the house loan. Reasons why this
vision is meaningful: Logan has been a difficult child. I could go on, but I want to leave it at that
and for that reason, we were unsure if we even really wanted another one or
not, let alone 3 total children. It
would take an act of God to make me want 3 kids- let alone 2. I had written off us ever owning a house,
let alone a debt free house, let alone a really nice 2 story house with a
garage with a deck I have always dreamt of.
And with the student loans, although I pray daily for a miracle, the
realty of a miracle when you have constantly prayed for one for 5 years is a
hope that is pretty small.
Secondly, to accompany the joy God has given me while I am
up at night with Logan for hours; I have been trying to be more responsive to
God talking to me and His leading. Often
I feel like God speaks to me best when my mind is not running so loudly or
crazily which tends to drown him out.
This is most of the time, in the middle of the night, as I’m sitting up
with Logan. One of these times, it had
been 2 ½ hrs, and I was especially exhausted, this time came to me, LOUD and
CLEAR. 3:48pm. Why would a time be important? I couldn’t shake it. In Alaska, we don’t have a lottery but there
is a large pool of people who bet on when the river ice will break up. I felt like God was telling me the time the
river would break up. He didn’t give me
a day though. I guessed, only buying 2
tickets, on 2 separate days both at 3:48pm.
My days came and went---but the day after the day I bought my second
ticket, the river broke up. At
3:48pm. Both Mike and I went through our
several stages of grief. Why would God
tell me the time, but not the day? After
a long process, much too long to list here, I feel like God was telling us,
that blessing is coming for us and coming soon but not yet. That it was an encouragement—not a
discouragement. Later we found out that
there were actually 25 winners, each winner, after taxes only got about
10k. It would have been much more
heartbreaking to only get 10k after thinking you were finally delivered and won
360k.
Thirdly, Logan started sleeping all night!!!!! It was about
17 ½ months old. It took me weaning him,
him bonding with a stuffed animal and I stopped going in to check on him every
15 minutes when it was his nap time. But
more importantly God did it! He still
occasionally wakes up. He is currently
cutting more teeth, but 90% of the time he doesn’t wake up where he needs me,
which is amazing. I don’t know how I
survived so long with him needed me so much at night.
Fourthly, our family is growing, from 3 to 4. No, it was not a surprise. Both Mike and I went through a detox
(something I had never gone through but wanted my system to be clean before we
tried to get pregnant again). At the
tail end of our detox, there was a 2 day window before Mike was leaving to go
to Washington to help a friend move up here.
And that was enough. I was really
surprised it was so quick because it took us almost a year for Logan; I thought
it would be longer. Anyway, we are
excited. I knew I was probably pregnant
long before I was late because I was at a garage sale and I lost the ability to
do math and add up the things I was buying.
When I’m pregnant I lose all ability to do math, normally I am
exceptionally good at math. So far
things have been pretty good, only moments of nausea which passes, I do get
tired pretty easily and I’m really
grumpy though, probably because I can’t sleep well. We just got a new bed so hopefully that will
help with that but I am also having trouble sleeping because I’m ravenously
hungry in the middle of the night. I’ll
avoid TMI, but during the time we got pregnant, I ovulated twice, so maybe its
twins and that is why I’m so hungry and I passed the pregnancy test so early. We’ve known since I was just at 4 weeks. I’m due at the end of January.
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